Ep68 Stop Guessing, Start Asking: Your Partner Isn’t Psychic

In this episode, Dr. Dar Hawks shares a clear message for generous women who feel “too much”: your needs aren’t excessive, they’re unnamed. We map five core sovereign relationship needs and show how naming your primary need turns conflict into conversation and over giving into clarity.

• why caring partners get labeled as “too much”
• the hidden cost of unnamed needs in love
• indirect asks versus clear, calm requests
• five core sovereign relationship needs explained
• how to identify your primary need
• shifts that follow clarity and boundaries
• affirmations that ground self-worth
• next steps with tools for naming needs

Take the quiz here at needs.drdarhawks.com
Book a free consultation with me at contact.darhawks.com

Welcome to The Better Relationships Podcast with Dr. Dar Hawks, your guide to building stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Each episode dives into Dr. Dar’s proven Relationship Success Framework, offering practical strategies to help you express your needs, handle difficult conversations, and nurture emotional harmony in all your relationships. Ready to understand yourself and your loved ones better? Take the free Primary Relationship Needs Quiz at needs.drdarhawks.com and start your jou

Thanks for listening today! If something in this episode spoke to you, Dr. Dar would love to connect. You can book a consultation here or take the free quiz at needs.drdarhawks.com if you haven't done so yet. This podcast is for coaching support and education only.

Chapters

• 0:00 New Name And Core Message
• 1:20 Why Needs Get Labeled “Too Much”
• 2:51 The Cost Of Unnamed Needs
• 5:15 Five Core Sovereign Needs
• 7:07 Naming Your Primary Need
• 8:27 From Overgiving To Clarity
• 10:16 Affirmations And Next Steps
• 11:09 Quiz And Free Consultation Details

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:34

Welcome to the Healing Relationships from the Inside Out Podcast, formerly known as the Better Relationships Podcast, effective with this episode. I'm Dr. Dar Hawks, Relationship and Communication Coach and Healer, and today I'm talking about a message I wish every caring, compassionate, generous woman could hear. Your needs are not too much. They're just unnamed. If you've ever been told you're emotional, sensitive, overreacting, or expecting too much, I invite you to sit back, take a breath, and let this message land. You're not difficult, you're not needy, you're not asking for anything excessive. Consider the possibility that you've simply never been given the language to name what your heart requires to feel safe, connected, appreciated, and loved. Today I'm diving deep into why this happens, how it impacts your relationship, and what shifts everything once your needs finally have names. Let's start with why you think your needs are too much. Most women who find their way to me share a similar story. They're thoughtful, loving, emotionally generous, and very giving. But inside, whether they can acknowledge it or not, whether they're aware of it or not, deep down, they feel starved for reciprocity. You try to choose the right moment, say it in the softest way, not overwhelm your partner, or dial yourself down so you don't create conflict. And when you do try to express what you need, you're met with annoyance, defensiveness, blank stares, or emotional shutdown. And so your brain tells you, maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe I should do more. Maybe I should give more. Maybe I should wait and not talk about this, if ever. But here's the truth. Most caring, compassionate, giving women are not asking for too much. They're asking for the basics without the language to articulate them. The real problem is unnamed needs. This is where things get quietly painful. When you don't have a clear understanding of what your relationship needs actually are, you end up asking indirectly. Instead of saying, I need reassurance, you might say, Do you even care about us? Instead of I need quality time, you might say, we never do anything together anymore. Instead of I need emotional safety, you might shut down, withdraw, or over-explain. Unspoken and unnamed needs turn into resentment, emotional exhaustion, feeling invisible, conflict, never-ending looping arguments, and overfunctioning. Overfunctioning means doing even more, giving even more. And it's not because you're hard to love, but because your needs were never named, taught, supported, or normalized. Let's now dive into the five core sovereign relationship needs. Every human being has these five core sovereign relationship needs. Number one, love and belonging. To feel cherished, valued, and emotionally safe and held. Number two, freedom. To feel unpressured, respected, free to be yourself and free to make your own choices. Number three, fun, to feel joy, lightness, play, and emotional ease. four, safety and survival, to feel secure, stable, and anchored. Number five, empowerment or power. To feel heard, influential, and respected. Each of these core sovereign relationship needs don't function independently of each other. They're intertwined. And each of us has one that we gravitate towards as our primary sovereign relationship need. When any of these needs are unmet, you don't feel needy. You feel incomplete. When they're unnamed, your partner can't understand what you're actually asking for. Naming your primary relationship need is like putting the missing puzzle piece back into your emotional and conversational world. Everything starts making sense. Here's why naming your needs changes everything. When you finally know what your primary sovereign relationship need is, how it shows up in your life, how you react when it's ignored, and how to communicate it clearly, your entire relationship dynamic shifts. You stop explaining yourself, you stop overgiving, you stop walking on eggshells, you stop shrinking, and you stop hoping your partner just knows. And instead, you begin expressing your needs calmly, setting boundaries without guilt, recognizing emotional patterns, choosing connection instead of survival mode, and creating conversations instead of conflict. Your partner often responds better too, because clarity removes pressure, doubt, and confusion. Let's now talk about supporting yourself moving forward. Please know and accept and acknowledge and stand in these things. Your needs matter. Your heart matters. Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. You matter. And nothing about you is too much. The first step is naming what you've been carrying alone. If you would like help identifying and naming your primary sovereign relationship need and how it shapes every part of your relationship, take my free relationship needs quiz. It's gentle, insightful, and eye-opening. And you'll instantly understand why your needs have felt so big when really they've just been unspoken and unnamed. Take the quiz here at needs.com. That's needs.com. And if you listened today and thought, whoa, yes, this is me, I resonate with this message. I would love to support you personally. Book a free consultation with me at contact.darhawks.com. You no longer have to keep quiet. You don't have to keep peace by losing yourself. You don't have to do this alone. Your needs are not too much. They're simply waiting to be named. And I'm here with you every step of the way. Thank you for your time and listening, and I look forward to connecting with you in the quiz or on a free consultation. I just can't wait to hear your lovely voice.