Ep69 You Can Transform A Relationship By Changing Your Energy

What if you didn’t need your partner to change for your relationship to transform?

In this episode, Dr. Dar breaks down the real mechanics of why relationship patterns repeat — and the underestimated power women have to shift the ENTIRE dynamic from the inside out.

You’ll learn:
 • why every reaction is co-created energy
 • how one shift from you naturally changes their behavior
• what makes you overgive, over-explain, or feel unseen
• the 5 Relationship Needs that shape every emotional response
• why Dr. Dar’s healing approach works even when your partner isn’t in the room

If you’ve ever felt like “I’m doing all the work,” this episode will feel like a deep exhale.
 You are not stuck — and you don’t have to wait for anyone else to go first.

✨ Start your transformation:

•  Discover your Primary Relationship Need → https://needs.drdarhawks.com
•  Get the Better Relationships Communication Toolkit → https://toolkit.drdarhawks.com

Chapters

• 0:00 The Hidden Power To Shift Dynamics
• 2:04 Co‑Created Energy And The Seesaw Model
• 3:28 Nervous System Mirroring And Regulation
• 4:53 How Your Energy Stops Old Patterns
• 7:03 Five Sovereign Relationship Needs Overview
• 7:35 Need One: Love And Belonging
• 11:18 Need Two: Freedom And Choice
• 12:43 Need Three: Fun And Lightness
• 13:43 Need Four: Safety And Survival
• 14:48 Need Five: Empowerment And Boundaries
• 16:28 Why This Method Beats Mainstream Advice

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 2:57

Welcome back. I'm Dr. Dar Hawks, Relationship and Communication Healer. And today we're talking about something most caring women don't realize they have. And that is the power to shift the entire dynamic of a relationship. Even if your partner isn't actively doing anything, or you're dealing with other relationships that are getting under your skin. Yes, it really does take two people's energies to create a dynamic, a reaction, toxicity, or even a pattern. But here's the part most people forget. When one person shifts, even slightly, the entire relationship adjusts. This is the gift I bring into my work. It's also the magic that differentiates what I do from traditional coaching, therapy, or communication advice. Today we're digging into how that works, why it's not doing all the work, and how your five sovereign relationship needs influence the transformation you can create from the inside out. Let's dive in. Why every relationship dynamic is co-created. I want you to imagine a seesaw. Two people, two energies. Even if one person barely moves, the whole board still shifts. That's how relationships work. Every reaction, every misunderstanding, every connection, every tender moment, and every conflict is co-created energy. And most women I work with believe I'm giving so much, but nothing is changing. Or we talk about it and it changes for a minute and then it goes right back to the way things were. Or he won't do the work, so we're stuck. But here's what's actually happening. You're already doing so much, but the energy underneath your actions hasn't shifted yet. When the energy does shift, your tone changes, your boundary changes, your presence changes, your nervous system responds differently, your body language softens or stabilizes, and what happens is that the other person is unable, not equipped, and cannot interact with you in the same way. It is literally impossible. Not because they suddenly learned a new skill, but because you became a new energetic reality for them to respond or react to. Here's the sciencey part in human language. Humans mirror each other. Humans mirror, humans attune, and humans regulate off each other. So when you regulate your nervous system, what I call your internal wellness system, when you meet your relationship needs, and when you stop reacting from fear, old patterns, or survival, and instead from an empowered place of choice, you show up from groundedness. And grounded energy disrupts old patterns quietly, powerfully, and consistently. Now let's talk about how changing your energy changes theirs. Let me walk you through what happens energetically when you shift. Number one, you stop feeding the old pattern. If they are used to defensiveness, you're no longer defensive. If they are used to you over explaining, you simply speak concisely and clearly and simply. Number four, they start adjusting. They may resist at first because change seems oh unfamiliar. Because change feels oh so unfamiliar. But eventually they will meet you where you are. Because energy demands a new response, and that is pure science. And this is why one person can create powerful relationship transformation. And the work that I do is counter to all of the popular advice that's out there, the mainstream providers. And the reason why is because I work with you to resolve what's going on so that you don't have to keep coming back. Most systems that are wellness systems in the world in this country, and dare I say in the world, are built so that you stay stuck and have to keep finding a provider to help you resolve it. Let's walk through each of the five relationship needs and how meeting them inside yourself changes the relationship outside of you. Number one, love and belonging. When this need is not met, you overgive, you overfunction, and try to earn closeness. When you meet this need inside yourself, your energy says, I belong here without proving myself. So what shifts? Your tone softens, your resentment decreases, you stop chasing validation, and your partner relaxes instead of bracing. This alone rewires entire communication patterns. Number two, the sovereign relationship need of freedom. When this need is unmet, you feel trapped, suffocated, resentful, controlled, or like you have no choice, even by the tiniest of things. When you honor this need, your energy shifts to I can choose, I'm not stuck. And what shifts is that you respond instead of react. You take space without withdrawing, like you claim your space and you own it. You express your needs without defensiveness, and your partner stops feeling like the enemy and starts feeling like a teammate. Number three, the sovereign relationship need of fun. When this need is unmet, everything feels heavy, serious, and pressured. Meeting this need brings back micro moments of relief and even calm. So what shifts? Conflict feels less catastrophic, tension dissolves faster, warmth returns, and your relationship becomes breathable again. Your energy becomes safe, not tight, and your partner unconsciously adjusts. Number four, the sovereign relationship need of safety and survival. When this need is unmet, your whole nervous wellness system goes into high alert. You interpret neutral things as threats. When you meet this need within yourself, your body stops bracing, your voice becomes steadier, and you stop reading danger when there isn't any. This calms your entire system, and your partner adapts to that groundedness. Number five, the sovereign relationship need of empowerment or power. This one is huge. When it is unmet, you feel small, invisible, unseen, voiceless, choiceless, manipulated or controlled. When you reclaim it, your energy says, I am equal. My voice matters. I'm standing on the pedestal right next to my partner and anyone else that makes me feel powerless for that matter. So what shifts? Your boundaries strengthen, your clarity increases, you stop walking on eggshells, you speak from sovereignty instead of fear. That sovereignty means I have dominion over myself, my behavior, my actions, and choices. I choose all of that. No one else does. Sovereignty means no one controls me, and I make highest good choices for myself and others. And your partner cannot help but respond differently because you're standing in a new energetic position. So let me share what I do that's different. This is the magic of my work. I don't just give communication tips. I don't ask your partner to show up perfectly. I don't make you perform endless emotional labor. I definitely don't say this is all on you or your partner. Instead, I teach and show women how to shift the internal patterns that have happened potentially for generations and within their family that change the external relationship dynamics. And when you shift from the inside out, your relationship begins shifting whether your partner intended to change or not, and whether they're aware of it or not. It's not manipulation, it's not pressure, it's not efforting, it's just energetic, scientific reality. And this is why my clients experience transformation even when their partners aren't in the room, and why it can happen in 30 minutes or less. So, my dear one, if you've been feeling unseen, unheard, unsupported, stuck in the same cycle over and over, tried to make changes, but they're not sticking. You don't need someone else to change first. You just need a gentle, grounded way to shift your own energy and watch the rest recalibrate. If you want help doing that, I invite you to start with your sovereign relationship needs. Take the free quiz at needs.drhawks.com. That's needs.drhks.com, or explore the better relationships toolkit at toolkit.drhawks.com. Your relationship can shift, and it's because you can shift, and that's the power you have had all along. Thank you for listening and for being here with me. And I look forward to connecting with you in the quiz or in the toolkit.